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I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.

Paula Poundstone

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Paula Poundstone
Age: 64
Born: 1959
Born: December 29
Actor
Author
Comedian
Pundit
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Huntsville
Alabama
Always
Number
Trait
Numbers
Obsessive
Happened
Traits
Everyone
Annoying
Back
Disorder
Diagnosed
Something
Degree
Compulsive
Years
Degrees
Steer
Really
Conversation
Steers

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I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.
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I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.
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It is the best part of the night. The classic interactive lines are 'Where are you from? What do you do for a living?' I almost always get something interesting.
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When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.
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I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.
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I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.
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I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.
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There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.
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My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.
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When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.
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The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
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The mistakes that I made I made because I drank too much. I don't think that's going to happen any more. Am I going to make mistakes as a parent? Sadly, every day. I'm looking around for the perfect parent and I haven't seen one yet.
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I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.
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When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.
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I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.
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I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics, and they invited me to do that.
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I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.
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I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.
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What moron said that knowledge is power? Knowledge is power only if it doesn't depress you so much that it leaves you in an immobile heap at the end of your bed.
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I'll probably never have children because I don't believe in touching people for any reason.
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