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I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.

Paula Poundstone

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Paula Poundstone
Age: 64
Born: 1959
Born: December 29
Actor
Author
Comedian
Pundit
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Huntsville
Alabama
Numbers
Obsessive
Happened
Traits
Everyone
Annoying
Back
Disorder
Diagnosed
Something
Degree
Compulsive
Years
Degrees
Steer
Really
Conversation
Steers
Always
Number
Trait

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I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.
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I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I thought, “I’m in the clear for at least 10 more years.”
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When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.
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Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.
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There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.
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I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.
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I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.
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What moron said that knowledge is power? Knowledge is power only if it doesn't depress you so much that it leaves you in an immobile heap at the end of your bed.
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The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
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I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.
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President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.
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Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas
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I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.
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When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.
Paula Poundstone
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I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.
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I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.
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The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
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I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.
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I’m an atheist. The good news about atheists is that we have no mandate to convert anyone. So you’ll never find me on your doorstep on a Saturday morning with a big smile saying ‘Just stopped by to tell you there is no word. I brought along this little blank book I was hoping you could take a look at.’
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I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.
Paula Poundstone