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When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
Paula Poundstone
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Paula Poundstone
Age: 64
Born: 1959
Born: December 29
Actor
Author
Comedian
Pundit
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Huntsville
Alabama
Constitution
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Conga
Lines
Congas
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Bungee
Around
Dome
Live
Domes
Capitol
Jump
More quotes by Paula Poundstone
I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd get to my bed and there'd be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me.
Paula Poundstone
I’m an atheist. The good news about atheists is that we have no mandate to convert anyone. So you’ll never find me on your doorstep on a Saturday morning with a big smile saying ‘Just stopped by to tell you there is no word. I brought along this little blank book I was hoping you could take a look at.’
Paula Poundstone
I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.
Paula Poundstone
Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.
Paula Poundstone
I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.
Paula Poundstone
The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
Paula Poundstone
I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.
Paula Poundstone
My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
Paula Poundstone
I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.
Paula Poundstone
My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.
Paula Poundstone
Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
Paula Poundstone
I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.
Paula Poundstone
My parents got carried away with the letter P when they were naming the kids in our family. There's me, Paula, my sisters Peggy and Patty, and my brother Pjimmy, spelled with a silent P.
Paula Poundstone
What moron said that knowledge is power? Knowledge is power only if it doesn't depress you so much that it leaves you in an immobile heap at the end of your bed.
Paula Poundstone
There are really only so many foods and so many ways you can prepare them.
Paula Poundstone
I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.
Paula Poundstone
The pleasure of the mulch pile is incomprehensible. I wouldn't care if they just hauled the mulch to the landfill somewhere. Obviously, grass clippings are biodegradable, but when they're bunched together at the landfill, they become badly influenced by other garbage.
Paula Poundstone
I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.
Paula Poundstone
I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.
Paula Poundstone
I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I thought, “I’m in the clear for at least 10 more years.”
Paula Poundstone
