Quote

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

Paula Poundstone

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Paula Poundstone
Age: 64
Born: 1959
Born: December 29
Actor
Author
Comedian
Pundit
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Huntsville
Alabama
Trying
Mom
Took
Threw
Motivational
Lake
Learned
Lakes
Teach
Swim
Funny
Comedian
Inspirational
Weren
Someone
Boat

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Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas
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The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.
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When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
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I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
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I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.
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I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.
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I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.
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I’m an atheist. The good news about atheists is that we have no mandate to convert anyone. So you’ll never find me on your doorstep on a Saturday morning with a big smile saying ‘Just stopped by to tell you there is no word. I brought along this little blank book I was hoping you could take a look at.’
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I talk to a lot of librarians, and there's always a steady drumbeat of how libraries are places of community. But a lot of them have also recently - and just in the nick of time - refurbished, because during this economic downturn, people have a tendency to borrow instead of buy.
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Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.
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I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd get to my bed and there'd be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me.
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I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.
Paula Poundstone
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I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.
Paula Poundstone
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The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.
Paula Poundstone
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I made mistakes and I broke the law and I'm more than willing to pay a price for that. But there's a price beyond that that my children have paid, and that's not what was supposed to happen.
Paula Poundstone
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I have short-term memory loss, though I'd like to think of it as Persidential eligibility.
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My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it.
Paula Poundstone
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I was one of the first people to almost actually vomit over hearing the use of the phrase family values and I pride myself on never having fallen for the idea that Barbara Bush was sweet and grandmotherly. I met Barbara Bush and, as I expected, she was a tank with eyes, not a nice person at all and why should that blow anybody away?
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It is the best part of the night. The classic interactive lines are 'Where are you from? What do you do for a living?' I almost always get something interesting.
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When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.
Paula Poundstone