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I'm not smart enough to write about something that didn't actually happen to me. But I couldn't write a space movie if you put a gun to my head.

Paul Reiser

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Paul Reiser
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: March 30
Actor
Comedian
Composer
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
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Space
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Gun
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More quotes by Paul Reiser

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The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.
Paul Reiser
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The consumer mentality - we like something, what other flavor does it come in? We like that TV show, does it come in a book form? Does it come in a capsule? How about a soup?
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It's not like some movies where you're following a bunch of different stories you can cut around. There was nowhere to cut to. It's these guys. We're not cutting back to anybody else
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I'd never directed before and this movie's too important to me to put in the hands of some guy who has never directed. Even if it's me
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Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. This is Sleeping, right? Exactly. I just lie here? That's right. Okay. Then back to sleep they go.
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A friend told me to listen to my heart. Another friend told me to listen to my gut. Maybe I need an autopsy, because right now my colon is kind of iffy.
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Two or three times a week, I drive by the houses of numbers 78-100 just to rub it in.
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In the history of life, no good news has followed that sentence [We have to talk.].
Paul Reiser
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Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.
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Field of Dreams is the only movie - and I saw it in the theater - on an afternoon when I was on location somewhere, and there were like 12 people in the theater. I was just so devastated I couldn't get out of my seat. And I sat and watched it a second time.
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If a tree falls on your head in a forest and no one hears it, it still hurts.
Paul Reiser
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Younger kids, they understand that things aren't so perfect with their father or with their mother.
Paul Reiser
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By shrewdly linking procreation to an act likely to make you stupid with excitement, God has seen to it that Life does indeed go on. It's possible, by the way, that this is why God's name comes up so often in the middle of the act it's a salute to the author: Hey, whoever made this up - thanks.
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We have such a long, familiar history with Peter Falk. The minute his mug is on that screen people smile.
Paul Reiser
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Middle names are kind of like vice presidents: It's a fine distinction and certainly an honor, but you're never not aware that someone else got the real job.
Paul Reiser
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There's something very refreshing about being on stage.
Paul Reiser
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Get a good dog. We have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years.
Paul Reiser
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In fact, I had the idea because of Peter Falk. I saw my dad watching a Peter Falk movie and something clicked in my head. I gotta go make a movie for Peter Falk and me
Paul Reiser
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I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women. Now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.
Paul Reiser
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The most challenging part of being a dad is trying to postpone the moment when they realize you don't know anything. I love any sentence that begins with Daddy...? because it's implied they're looking up to you - that you'll have the answer. The truth is, I don't have any answers.
Paul Reiser