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The most used appliance in our house is my 10-year-old son Leon's Xbox.
Paul Reiser
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Paul Reiser
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: March 30
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Essayist
Film Actor
Film Producer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Appliance
Leon
Appliances
Son
Year
House
Used
Years
More quotes by Paul Reiser
I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women. Now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.
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Get a good dog. We have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years.
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I can't get past the fact that food is coming out of my wife's breasts. What was once essentially an entertainment center has now become a juice bar.
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In the history of life, no good news has followed that sentence [We have to talk.].
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Younger kids, they understand that things aren't so perfect with their father or with their mother.
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By shrewdly linking procreation to an act likely to make you stupid with excitement, God has seen to it that Life does indeed go on. It's possible, by the way, that this is why God's name comes up so often in the middle of the act it's a salute to the author: Hey, whoever made this up - thanks.
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There's something very refreshing about being on stage.
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Two or three times a week, I drive by the houses of numbers 78-100 just to rub it in.
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The consumer mentality - we like something, what other flavor does it come in? We like that TV show, does it come in a book form? Does it come in a capsule? How about a soup?
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We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names.
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Middle names are kind of like vice presidents: It's a fine distinction and certainly an honor, but you're never not aware that someone else got the real job.
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We have such a long, familiar history with Peter Falk. The minute his mug is on that screen people smile.
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If a tree falls on your head in a forest and no one hears it, it still hurts.
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The best part of being married is... you don't have to explain a lot of things. Those wordless moments when you both know that what you witnessed together is funny, idiotic, or really sweet. Being connected is pretty miraculous.
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A friend told me to listen to my heart. Another friend told me to listen to my gut. Maybe I need an autopsy, because right now my colon is kind of iffy.
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I'm not smart enough to write about something that didn't actually happen to me. But I couldn't write a space movie if you put a gun to my head.
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It's not like some movies where you're following a bunch of different stories you can cut around. There was nowhere to cut to. It's these guys. We're not cutting back to anybody else
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Parents often give middle names just so that later, when they're yelling at the kid, they can drag it out. Henry David Thoreau, you come in here this instant!
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Peanut butter and lamb chops were not foods that had ever been a significant part of our life before pregnancy. In fact, my wife almost never ate either.So where did these craving come from? I concluded it's the baby, ordering in.
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There's something that happens in that delivery room, when a woman becomes ten times more a woman, and a guy becomes six times less a man. You feel really dopey and useless and like a spectator. I did, anyway.
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