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A friend told me to listen to my heart. Another friend told me to listen to my gut. Maybe I need an autopsy, because right now my colon is kind of iffy.
Paul Reiser
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Paul Reiser
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: March 30
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Essayist
Film Actor
Film Producer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Kind
Friend
Told
Maybe
Another
Iffy
Need
Colon
Right
Autopsy
Needs
Guts
Heart
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More quotes by Paul Reiser
The consumer mentality - we like something, what other flavor does it come in? We like that TV show, does it come in a book form? Does it come in a capsule? How about a soup?
Paul Reiser
I can't get past the fact that food is coming out of my wife's breasts. What was once essentially an entertainment center has now become a juice bar.
Paul Reiser
The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.
Paul Reiser
My wife and I never agree on the dishtowels. It's a matter of terms. She asks me not to put the dishtowel in the sink. So I drape it over the sink, but not in the sink. If that's our biggest problem, I think we're in good shape.
Paul Reiser
Field of Dreams is the only movie - and I saw it in the theater - on an afternoon when I was on location somewhere, and there were like 12 people in the theater. I was just so devastated I couldn't get out of my seat. And I sat and watched it a second time.
Paul Reiser
In the history of life, no good news has followed that sentence [We have to talk.].
Paul Reiser
Two or three times a week, I drive by the houses of numbers 78-100 just to rub it in.
Paul Reiser
Parents often give middle names just so that later, when they're yelling at the kid, they can drag it out. Henry David Thoreau, you come in here this instant!
Paul Reiser
My wife would say my worst habit is that I'm not good at dropping subjects. If something bothers me, I'll bring it up endlessly and relentlessly. I think it's a search for clarity, but she uses different words.
Paul Reiser
As you get older you realize your parents don't look so dumb - and that you're not as smart as you thought you were.
Paul Reiser
By shrewdly linking procreation to an act likely to make you stupid with excitement, God has seen to it that Life does indeed go on. It's possible, by the way, that this is why God's name comes up so often in the middle of the act it's a salute to the author: Hey, whoever made this up - thanks.
Paul Reiser
Upstate New York in the middle of October. You can't get more beautiful than that.
Paul Reiser
If a tree falls on your head in a forest and no one hears it, it still hurts.
Paul Reiser
The most used appliance in our house is my 10-year-old son Leon's Xbox.
Paul Reiser
Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. This is Sleeping, right? Exactly. I just lie here? That's right. Okay. Then back to sleep they go.
Paul Reiser
There's something that happens in that delivery room, when a woman becomes ten times more a woman, and a guy becomes six times less a man. You feel really dopey and useless and like a spectator. I did, anyway.
Paul Reiser
We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names.
Paul Reiser
Younger kids, they understand that things aren't so perfect with their father or with their mother.
Paul Reiser
It's not like some movies where you're following a bunch of different stories you can cut around. There was nowhere to cut to. It's these guys. We're not cutting back to anybody else
Paul Reiser
Get a good dog. We have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years.
Paul Reiser
