Quote

The jewel in the baby product crown is the stroller. And if in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.

Paul Reiser

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Paul Reiser
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: March 30
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Essayist
Film Actor
Film Producer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Products
Jewel
Baby
Crown
Humor
Jewels
Funny
Crowns
Kids
Push
America
Humorous
Children
Product
Stroller
Drive
Strollers

More quotes by Paul Reiser

Image
As you get older you realize your parents don't look so dumb - and that you're not as smart as you thought you were.
Paul Reiser
Image
Get a good dog. We have not picked up food in the kitchen in 15 years.
Paul Reiser
Image
We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names.
Paul Reiser
Image
The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.
Paul Reiser
Image
Field of Dreams is the only movie - and I saw it in the theater - on an afternoon when I was on location somewhere, and there were like 12 people in the theater. I was just so devastated I couldn't get out of my seat. And I sat and watched it a second time.
Paul Reiser
Image
But you get past that and realize you have to let go of what you think you want. There'll be plenty of time for that later. Right now, go and be with that baby. Just play with this beautiful little boy
Paul Reiser
Image
My wife and I never agree on the dishtowels. It's a matter of terms. She asks me not to put the dishtowel in the sink. So I drape it over the sink, but not in the sink. If that's our biggest problem, I think we're in good shape.
Paul Reiser
Image
Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. This is Sleeping, right? Exactly. I just lie here? That's right. Okay. Then back to sleep they go.
Paul Reiser
Image
Parents often give middle names just so that later, when they're yelling at the kid, they can drag it out. Henry David Thoreau, you come in here this instant!
Paul Reiser
Image
In the history of life, no good news has followed that sentence [We have to talk.].
Paul Reiser
Image
It was trying to make my tennis game look mildly respectable, which I found you don't even really need to practice if you have a really good editor. They can edit it and you're like, Hey, it looks like I'm playing really well. That was the fun part, but it was like going to summer camp.
Paul Reiser
Image
The best part of being married is... you don't have to explain a lot of things. Those wordless moments when you both know that what you witnessed together is funny, idiotic, or really sweet. Being connected is pretty miraculous.
Paul Reiser
Image
It's not like some movies where you're following a bunch of different stories you can cut around. There was nowhere to cut to. It's these guys. We're not cutting back to anybody else
Paul Reiser
Image
By shrewdly linking procreation to an act likely to make you stupid with excitement, God has seen to it that Life does indeed go on. It's possible, by the way, that this is why God's name comes up so often in the middle of the act it's a salute to the author: Hey, whoever made this up - thanks.
Paul Reiser
Image
A friend told me to listen to my heart. Another friend told me to listen to my gut. Maybe I need an autopsy, because right now my colon is kind of iffy.
Paul Reiser
Image
Peanut butter and lamb chops were not foods that had ever been a significant part of our life before pregnancy. In fact, my wife almost never ate either.So where did these craving come from? I concluded it's the baby, ordering in.
Paul Reiser
Image
The consumer mentality - we like something, what other flavor does it come in? We like that TV show, does it come in a book form? Does it come in a capsule? How about a soup?
Paul Reiser
Image
I can't get past the fact that food is coming out of my wife's breasts. What was once essentially an entertainment center has now become a juice bar.
Paul Reiser
Image
I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women. Now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.
Paul Reiser
Image
Two or three times a week, I drive by the houses of numbers 78-100 just to rub it in.
Paul Reiser