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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Paul Merton

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Paul Merton
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: July 9
Actor
Comedian
Improviser
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Writer
London
England
Paul James Martin
Funny
Humorous
Toothache
Understand
Medical
Dental
Always
Teeth
Dentist
Victim
Identified
Air
Crash
Records
Amazed
Comedy
Victims
Dentistry
Hear
Badly
Mutilated

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And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.
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My school days were the happiest days of my life which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.
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I've never been disappointed by politicians. I've never invested that much in them in the first place.
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When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the history of comedy, or listening to the Goons or Hancock, humour from previous generations.
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At one point in the mid-Eighties I shared a promoter with the Smiths. One night, we were sitting backstage when Morrissey burst in, utterly distraught, sobbing his heart out. Turns out someone had thrown a sausage at him on stage during 'Meat Is Murder.'
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In 1987, I was in Edinburgh doing my first one-man show. I took part in a kickabout with some fellow comedians and tripped over my trousers and heard this cracking sound in my leg. A couple of days later I went into a coma and was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism.
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I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10 why is this funny, and that isn't?
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Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way.
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When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.
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When I used to do the Edinburgh Festival, there was a bunch of guys selling fresh oysters and I'd eat ten daily - marvellous.
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It seems like a contradiction, but the shy person who is a performer actually does make sense, because in a way, when you're young and shy, making people laugh is a good way to make friends. It's an instant connection.
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Have you ever had sex with a horse?
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I think having an outsider's viewpoint is interesting and good, especially for a comedian.
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I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.
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I'll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I've never got over it.
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Am I allowed to call myself working-class now? Because obviously I'm now very rich.
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If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and make people laugh. Canned laughter is cheating.
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