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Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.

Patton Oswalt

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Patton Oswalt
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: January 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Patton Peter Oswalt
Patton P. Oswalt
Dangerous
Dark
Comedian
Tells

More quotes by Patton Oswalt

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I look pretty nondescript. I don't go out of my way to... I don't express my personality with my clothes, with my car or my, you know, house. I express with my personality so as far as what I wear - I don't really care about that.
Patton Oswalt
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As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.
Patton Oswalt
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Any acting job that I ever got, I always treated it like I was a neophyte, I didn't know what I was doing and I was going to work just as hard as I do on my stand-up.
Patton Oswalt
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If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.
Patton Oswalt
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Stand-up is something I just truly love to do, so I'll always go back to it. I'll never stop doing it, that's for sure.
Patton Oswalt
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Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate - they see in the long term.
Patton Oswalt
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I'm grateful that I had that uphill battle for 10 years of going onstage and having nobody know who I was, because you have to win them over.
Patton Oswalt
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We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.
Patton Oswalt
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Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am.
Patton Oswalt
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Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.
Patton Oswalt
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Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.
Patton Oswalt
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There's all kinds of those moments in your life where either through a weird set of circumstances, or a song you hear, or a smell you smell, or one person says something totally out of the context without the meaning that you assigned to it, but you snap back to the way you were when you were 14 or 15. We all deal with that.
Patton Oswalt
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Every zombie story is fundamentally about a breakdown of order, with the infrastructure intact. That infrastructure might be on fire, yes.
Patton Oswalt
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You saw a lot of guys, especially in the early '90s, whose acts were a pitch for a sitcom. A lot of them were very funny, but there's nothing worse than watching comedians or musicians who are up there and are doing something they're not interested in.
Patton Oswalt
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Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice?
Patton Oswalt
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You can be an amateur and have a passion for something, but it takes a long time to actually become a professional, meaning that you can handle any situation.
Patton Oswalt
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What I'm realizing as I get older is that a movie's mainstream success is just as unpredictable as a movie's cult success. Plenty of movies that are truly odd and deserve cults, don't have cults. It's just as much of a crapshoot to be a cult hit as it is to be a mainstream success. Isn't that weird?
Patton Oswalt
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George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.
Patton Oswalt
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My advice to you is be boring, square, asshole parents... When I have kids, the most recent CD I will own - Phil Collins, No Jacket Required, and I'll rave about it. 'Do you like rock 'n' roll? 'Cause this is rockin' good stuff, kid.'
Patton Oswalt
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In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing.
Patton Oswalt