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We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.
Patton Oswalt
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Patton Oswalt
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: January 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Patton Peter Oswalt
Patton P. Oswalt
Accepting
Bathe
Need
Hippies
Needs
Shave
Gays
Hippie
Conservatives
Gay
Accept
More quotes by Patton Oswalt
All the truly great stand-ups say, I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work. To me, in the end, the surest thing is work.
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Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.
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People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.
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One of my groupies gave me a film that they made, and it ended up being amazing, so I got it shown at South by Southwest. If I can help get their stuff out there, then great.
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Anything's better than Gen X which is what we got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We sound like a team of mutant vigalantees with frosted hair and chain wallets. Actually that's not completely horrible.
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This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the rice after you cook it and let it get cold in the fridge. Then cook the egg like you're making a fried egg and just before it's done, dump the rice and veg on it and swirl it around.
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I really had to imagine the kind of person that I would have been if I had never left my hometown... I don't think I would have been a very pleasant person.
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George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.
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We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.
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It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.
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I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.
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Every zombie story is fundamentally about a breakdown of order, with the infrastructure intact. That infrastructure might be on fire, yes.
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Doing 'Young Adult' was really reassuring to me in a lot of ways. It confirmed a lot of suspicions I had about great actors.
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Even if you're popular, there are times when you just feel like you're not a part of things.
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I think the kind of person that gravitates toward New York is a person that's not so much focused on controlling exactly how they appear and how they exit. They're more fascinated with the process.
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I don't want to get into extended conversations with people on MySpace, because there are friends I have extended conversations with every day.
Patton Oswalt
Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am.
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As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.
Patton Oswalt
Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. Some people are just born with bad wiring.
Patton Oswalt
Any acting job that I ever got, I always treated it like I was a neophyte, I didn't know what I was doing and I was going to work just as hard as I do on my stand-up.
Patton Oswalt
