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Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice?
Patton Oswalt
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Patton Oswalt
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: January 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Patton Peter Oswalt
Patton P. Oswalt
Bye
Heartache
Refer
Juice
Alcohol
Pain
More quotes by Patton Oswalt
I hate all sidekicks.
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Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.
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Every audience is different, even within the same venue. You have to just make every audience your audience you can't pre-judge an audience based on the size of the room or the type of room.
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I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.
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I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.
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I really had to imagine the kind of person that I would have been if I had never left my hometown... I don't think I would have been a very pleasant person.
Patton Oswalt
In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing.
Patton Oswalt
If I were to just focus on stand-up, I could actually, paradoxically enough, be home way more, because I would leave on a Friday, go do a couple theaters Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, come home.
Patton Oswalt
You know, in Los Angeles, you're constantly in your car, you're sealed up, you're not walking around. Whereas in New York, after a while, all your stuff is kind of public, in one way or the other. I'm not saying either one of those is bad they're both great for a very specific kind of comedian. And I'm glad that they both exist.
Patton Oswalt
I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians.
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Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. Some people are just born with bad wiring.
Patton Oswalt
We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.
Patton Oswalt
90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.
Patton Oswalt
As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.
Patton Oswalt
If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.
Patton Oswalt
You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.
Patton Oswalt
People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.
Patton Oswalt
If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.
Patton Oswalt
I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.
Patton Oswalt
Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.
Patton Oswalt