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Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.
Patton Oswalt
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Patton Oswalt
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: January 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Patton Peter Oswalt
Patton P. Oswalt
Meal
Meals
Full
Hate
More quotes by Patton Oswalt
I'm still very much an atheist, except that I don't necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that's a weird thing that I'm struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious.
Patton Oswalt
I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.
Patton Oswalt
I'm such a bookworm, and I'm such a people-watcher. It took the Internet a while to catch on in Ireland, because the culture there is, you go to the pub and talk to people there, and that's how you get the news and all the gossip. You just do it face to face. And culturally, you just couldn't understand.
Patton Oswalt
Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, This is where I wanna be.
Patton Oswalt
To get asked to do stuff like 'United States Of Tara' and 'Caprica' is terrific. I can't complain.
Patton Oswalt
You know, in Los Angeles, you're constantly in your car, you're sealed up, you're not walking around. Whereas in New York, after a while, all your stuff is kind of public, in one way or the other. I'm not saying either one of those is bad they're both great for a very specific kind of comedian. And I'm glad that they both exist.
Patton Oswalt
I'm grateful that I had that uphill battle for 10 years of going onstage and having nobody know who I was, because you have to win them over.
Patton Oswalt
Stand-up is something I just truly love to do, so I'll always go back to it. I'll never stop doing it, that's for sure.
Patton Oswalt
Every audience is different, even within the same venue. You have to just make every audience your audience you can't pre-judge an audience based on the size of the room or the type of room.
Patton Oswalt
I love the beginning of Magnolia, the thing about the dealer. That scene is genius. Brilliantly acted.
Patton Oswalt
Every zombie story is fundamentally about a breakdown of order, with the infrastructure intact. That infrastructure might be on fire, yes.
Patton Oswalt
Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. And their parents were fine. Some people are just born with bad wiring.
Patton Oswalt
This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the rice after you cook it and let it get cold in the fridge. Then cook the egg like you're making a fried egg and just before it's done, dump the rice and veg on it and swirl it around.
Patton Oswalt
I've had some pretty good arguments with people, but I've never regretted it. I've had people come up where it's all emotion and no fact. That's always sad.
Patton Oswalt
Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice?
Patton Oswalt
What I'm realizing as I get older is that a movie's mainstream success is just as unpredictable as a movie's cult success. Plenty of movies that are truly odd and deserve cults, don't have cults. It's just as much of a crapshoot to be a cult hit as it is to be a mainstream success. Isn't that weird?
Patton Oswalt
I'm going to continue to try to strike a balance, because I really, really do love doing stand-up, and I don't see why it should affect the acting. And again, I'm not going, I've got to become a dramatic actor now. I just want more interesting jobs. I just want to keep doing stuff that's different.
Patton Oswalt
One of my groupies gave me a film that they made, and it ended up being amazing, so I got it shown at South by Southwest. If I can help get their stuff out there, then great.
Patton Oswalt
I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.
Patton Oswalt
There's all kinds of those moments in your life where either through a weird set of circumstances, or a song you hear, or a smell you smell, or one person says something totally out of the context without the meaning that you assigned to it, but you snap back to the way you were when you were 14 or 15. We all deal with that.
Patton Oswalt