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Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

Patton Oswalt

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Patton Oswalt
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: January 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Patton Peter Oswalt
Patton P. Oswalt
Magic
Turn
Potion
Turns
Puppet
Puppets
Liquor
Cowboy
Kills
Cheap

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One of my groupies gave me a film that they made, and it ended up being amazing, so I got it shown at South by Southwest. If I can help get their stuff out there, then great.
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If I were to just focus on stand-up, I could actually, paradoxically enough, be home way more, because I would leave on a Friday, go do a couple theaters Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, come home.
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Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.
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I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.
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You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.
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It wasn't until I went to college and met different people from different areas of life - and then went to San Francisco and met people who really knew who the hell they were - that I kind of caught up in a hurry.
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We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.
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I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.
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Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate - they see in the long term.
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Knowing comedy is knowing human nature.
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I'm still very much an atheist, except that I don't necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that's a weird thing that I'm struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious.
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I've gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy: all the travel, hotels, and airports.
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Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. And their parents were fine. Some people are just born with bad wiring.
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It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.
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Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.
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Somebody is going to find a way digitally that is just as innovative. In the end, the tools can change, but there is always someone who can think of something cool to do.
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I'm grateful that I had that uphill battle for 10 years of going onstage and having nobody know who I was, because you have to win them over.
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Every audience is different, even within the same venue. You have to just make every audience your audience you can't pre-judge an audience based on the size of the room or the type of room.
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What I'm realizing as I get older is that a movie's mainstream success is just as unpredictable as a movie's cult success. Plenty of movies that are truly odd and deserve cults, don't have cults. It's just as much of a crapshoot to be a cult hit as it is to be a mainstream success. Isn't that weird?
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To get asked to do stuff like 'United States Of Tara' and 'Caprica' is terrific. I can't complain.
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