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Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

Patton Oswalt

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Patton Oswalt
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: January 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Patton Peter Oswalt
Patton P. Oswalt
Liquor
Cowboy
Kills
Cheap
Magic
Turn
Potion
Turns
Puppet
Puppets

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George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.
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Stand-up is something I just truly love to do, so I'll always go back to it. I'll never stop doing it, that's for sure.
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Knowing comedy is knowing human nature.
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I grew up in such a featureless, personality-less suburb. There was nothing to push against.
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Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.
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In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing.
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I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.
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I don't want to get into extended conversations with people on MySpace, because there are friends I have extended conversations with every day.
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There's all kinds of those moments in your life where either through a weird set of circumstances, or a song you hear, or a smell you smell, or one person says something totally out of the context without the meaning that you assigned to it, but you snap back to the way you were when you were 14 or 15. We all deal with that.
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Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. And their parents were fine. Some people are just born with bad wiring.
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When you put an album out, you can't do any material from the album if people are paying to see you.
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We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.
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Anything's better than Gen X which is what we got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We sound like a team of mutant vigalantees with frosted hair and chain wallets. Actually that's not completely horrible.
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If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.
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People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.
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What you want to worship above youth, I think, is beauty, and beauty is so beyond just appearances after a while. Because you can be with someone who's good-looking if they open their mouths and they're an idiot, then they cease to be beautiful very quickly.
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All the truly great stand-ups say, I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work. To me, in the end, the surest thing is work.
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I look pretty nondescript. I don't go out of my way to... I don't express my personality with my clothes, with my car or my, you know, house. I express with my personality so as far as what I wear - I don't really care about that.
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I'm grateful that I had that uphill battle for 10 years of going onstage and having nobody know who I was, because you have to win them over.
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The problem is, and I'm just as guilty of this, a lot of people see their follower count increase and mistake that for friendships. It's great to have followers, especially if you want to sell albums, promote shows, or promote your friends, but you still need to get outside and talk to other human beings.
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