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If I were to just focus on stand-up, I could actually, paradoxically enough, be home way more, because I would leave on a Friday, go do a couple theaters Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, come home.
Patton Oswalt
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Patton Oswalt
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: January 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Patton Peter Oswalt
Patton P. Oswalt
Would
Stand
Paradoxically
Focus
Theaters
Maybe
Friday
Actually
Saturday
Home
Sunday
Come
Theater
Enough
Couple
Way
Leave
More quotes by Patton Oswalt
This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the rice after you cook it and let it get cold in the fridge. Then cook the egg like you're making a fried egg and just before it's done, dump the rice and veg on it and swirl it around.
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Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.
Patton Oswalt
I'm still very much an atheist, except that I don't necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that's a weird thing that I'm struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious.
Patton Oswalt
There's all kinds of those moments in your life where either through a weird set of circumstances, or a song you hear, or a smell you smell, or one person says something totally out of the context without the meaning that you assigned to it, but you snap back to the way you were when you were 14 or 15. We all deal with that.
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Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice?
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When you act, you're being asked to pretend in a very rigid, controlled environment. It's very un-childlike. So a lot of times, when you put kids in that situation, you hope they have a better support system outside of what they're doing to bring them back to reality at the end of the day and to keep them well-rounded.
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What I'm realizing as I get older is that a movie's mainstream success is just as unpredictable as a movie's cult success. Plenty of movies that are truly odd and deserve cults, don't have cults. It's just as much of a crapshoot to be a cult hit as it is to be a mainstream success. Isn't that weird?
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It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.
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I hate all sidekicks.
Patton Oswalt
You know, in Los Angeles, you're constantly in your car, you're sealed up, you're not walking around. Whereas in New York, after a while, all your stuff is kind of public, in one way or the other. I'm not saying either one of those is bad they're both great for a very specific kind of comedian. And I'm glad that they both exist.
Patton Oswalt
In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing.
Patton Oswalt
I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.
Patton Oswalt
Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.
Patton Oswalt
We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.
Patton Oswalt
George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.
Patton Oswalt
We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.
Patton Oswalt
If you actually do cold readings, it's very close to how people actually talk, because you're experiencing these thoughts anew every moment, and trying to make them come out coherently.
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I've gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy: all the travel, hotels, and airports.
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You saw a lot of guys, especially in the early '90s, whose acts were a pitch for a sitcom. A lot of them were very funny, but there's nothing worse than watching comedians or musicians who are up there and are doing something they're not interested in.
Patton Oswalt
I'm such a bookworm, and I'm such a people-watcher. It took the Internet a while to catch on in Ireland, because the culture there is, you go to the pub and talk to people there, and that's how you get the news and all the gossip. You just do it face to face. And culturally, you just couldn't understand.
Patton Oswalt
