Quote

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

Patton Oswalt

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Patton Oswalt
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: January 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Patton Peter Oswalt
Patton P. Oswalt
Coins
Stick
Sticks
Gold
Head
Turns
Midget

More quotes by Patton Oswalt

Image
As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.
Patton Oswalt
Image
Everything we have today that's cool comes from someone wanting more of something they loved in the past. Action figures, videogames, superhero movies, iPods: All are continuations of a love that wanted more.
Patton Oswalt
Image
I'm still very much an atheist, except that I don't necessarily see religion as being a bad thing. So, that's a weird thing that I'm struggling with that seems to be offending both atheists and people that are religious.
Patton Oswalt
Image
Doing 'Young Adult' was really reassuring to me in a lot of ways. It confirmed a lot of suspicions I had about great actors.
Patton Oswalt
Image
If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.
Patton Oswalt
Image
Anything's better than Gen X which is what we got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We sound like a team of mutant vigalantees with frosted hair and chain wallets. Actually that's not completely horrible.
Patton Oswalt
Image
You saw a lot of guys, especially in the early '90s, whose acts were a pitch for a sitcom. A lot of them were very funny, but there's nothing worse than watching comedians or musicians who are up there and are doing something they're not interested in.
Patton Oswalt
Image
The process is to me is going onstage night after night after night after night until I get a new hour. And then once that hour is solidified and recorded, I move on.
Patton Oswalt
Image
I don't want to get into extended conversations with people on MySpace, because there are friends I have extended conversations with every day.
Patton Oswalt
Image
Somebody is going to find a way digitally that is just as innovative. In the end, the tools can change, but there is always someone who can think of something cool to do.
Patton Oswalt
Image
We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.
Patton Oswalt
Image
Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. And their parents were fine. Some people are just born with bad wiring.
Patton Oswalt
Image
To get asked to do stuff like 'United States Of Tara' and 'Caprica' is terrific. I can't complain.
Patton Oswalt
Image
You know, in Los Angeles, you're constantly in your car, you're sealed up, you're not walking around. Whereas in New York, after a while, all your stuff is kind of public, in one way or the other. I'm not saying either one of those is bad they're both great for a very specific kind of comedian. And I'm glad that they both exist.
Patton Oswalt
Image
I think the kind of person that gravitates toward New York is a person that's not so much focused on controlling exactly how they appear and how they exit. They're more fascinated with the process.
Patton Oswalt
Image
Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.
Patton Oswalt
Image
Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.
Patton Oswalt
Image
Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate - they see in the long term.
Patton Oswalt
Image
Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.
Patton Oswalt
Image
When you put an album out, you can't do any material from the album if people are paying to see you.
Patton Oswalt