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America had taken my father from me. And over most of the years of his illness, I gradually started feeling this support system from this country who-people grieving along with us.

Patti Davis

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Patti Davis
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: October 21
Actor
Actress
Filmmaker
Model
Songwriter
Television Actor
Writer
LA
California
Patricia Ann Davis
Patricia Ann Reagan
Father
Gradually
Feelings
Illness
America
Along
Country
Started
Years
System
People
Support
Feeling
Taken
Grieving

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I really just wanted to be a writer, but people tell you, 'You should have a backup career,' so I thought, 'OK, I'll act.' That was the foolishness of my vision for my life - that my backup career would be completely undependable.
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It's one thing to show your love for someone when everything is going fine and life is smooth. But when the 'in sickness and in health' part kicks in and sickness does enter your lives, you're tested. Your resilience is tested.
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[On her father, Ronald Reagan:] How do you argue with someone who states that the people who are sleeping on the grates of the streets of America 'are homeless by choice'?
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You have to separate yourself from your parents. You do. In order to find yourself.
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I think the earlier stages of Alzheimer's are the hardest. Particularly because the person knows that they are losing awareness. They're aware that they're losing awareness, and you see them struggling.
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People love the way they're capable of loving-but that's not always how you want them to love or how you think they should love.
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Decades later I would look into my father's eyes and try to reach past the murkiness of Alzheimer's with my words, my apology, hoping that in his heart he heard me and understood.
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I knew people were independently publishing, and I buy books on Amazon. I began seriously considering it when Amanda Hocking was in the news about her self-publishing success.
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The memories stayed with him for so long, and stayed vivid. And it didn't matter to me that he'd already repeated that before. I could hear it forever.
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Just think: people decided one day that a day should be set aside for motherhood and fatherhood. What a great concept that is.
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I grew up in this era where your parents' friends were all called aunt and uncle. And then I had an aunt and an aunt. We saw them on holidays and other times. We never talked about it, but I just understood that they were a couple.
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Loss teaches you to figure things out as they come along.
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Politics isn't what defines a person, and it shouldn't define a relationship. I made the mistake of letting that intrude on my relationships.
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My father's body lies in a stone tomb high on a hill. People walk by, pause, think their own thoughts about him and move on, back to their own lives. I can never move on. He is everywhere.
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I did what most writers do when something happens that's overwhelming, fascinating, moving, all of that. I didn't know what else to do about it except write about it.
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The thing about losing any loved one, I think, particularly in a long disease, is that you know that other people have gone through it and are going through it, but I think for every person it feels unique.
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I had this odd sibling rivalry with America.
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I think we can work through a lot of political and international problems, but what really frightens me is what's happening environmentally.
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And as far as false hope, there is no such thing. There is only hope or the absence of hope - nothing else.
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It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward.
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