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You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.

Pat Paulsen

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Pat Paulsen
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: July 6
Died: 1997
Died: April 24
Actor
Comedian
South Bend
Washington
Patrick Layton Paulsen
Need
Check
Right
Checks
Needs
Credit
Thing
Jokes
Lasts
Last
Understand
Another
Ross

More quotes by Pat Paulsen

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I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.
Pat Paulsen
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Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'
Pat Paulsen
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Sex doesn't have to be taught. It's something most of us are born with.
Pat Paulsen
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Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.
Pat Paulsen
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Marijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers. It's too good for them.
Pat Paulsen
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People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?'
Pat Paulsen
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Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.
Pat Paulsen
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On the issue of inflation, I think I could solve it no matter how much money it took.
Pat Paulsen
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As I've always said: The future lies ahead.
Pat Paulsen
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I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
Pat Paulsen
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I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.
Pat Paulsen
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The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.
Pat Paulsen
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The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
Pat Paulsen
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We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.
Pat Paulsen
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Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.
Pat Paulsen
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I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
Pat Paulsen
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Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
Pat Paulsen
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Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.
Pat Paulsen
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We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman.
Pat Paulsen
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I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
Pat Paulsen