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The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.

Pat Paulsen

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Pat Paulsen
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: July 6
Died: 1997
Died: April 24
Actor
Comedian
South Bend
Washington
Patrick Layton Paulsen
Lose
Loses
Millions
Half
Postal
Running
Spends
Government
Mail
Federal
Service

More quotes by Pat Paulsen

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If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles?
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Sex doesn't have to be taught. It's something most of us are born with.
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I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.
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I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.
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Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.
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Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.
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You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.
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Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.
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I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
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We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.
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As I've always said: The future lies ahead.
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Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really it's sort of a brisk walk.
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I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.
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We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass.
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They said I ignored the drug problem. Well, I gave speeches on drugs, I wrote books on drugs. I did darn near everything on drugs!
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Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.
Pat Paulsen
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Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.
Pat Paulsen
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Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
Pat Paulsen
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It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
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I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
Pat Paulsen