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I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

Pat Paulsen

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Pat Paulsen
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: July 6
Died: 1997
Died: April 24
Actor
Comedian
South Bend
Washington
Patrick Layton Paulsen
Thinks
Vote
Americans
Morons
Alive
Registered
Five
Moron
Read
Elvis
Find
Article
Thinking
Articles

More quotes by Pat Paulsen

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I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
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The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.
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All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
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On the issue of inflation, I think I could solve it no matter how much money it took.
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Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.
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Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'
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People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?'
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As I've always said: The future lies ahead.
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Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.
Pat Paulsen
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I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
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It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
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I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.
Pat Paulsen
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Every child has a right to go to high school and end up with a third grade education.
Pat Paulsen
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We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.
Pat Paulsen
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The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
Pat Paulsen
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If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles?
Pat Paulsen
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They said I ignored the drug problem. Well, I gave speeches on drugs, I wrote books on drugs. I did darn near everything on drugs!
Pat Paulsen
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I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.
Pat Paulsen
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Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.
Pat Paulsen
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Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
Pat Paulsen