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I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at the old Grange, if he found that not only was Sherlock Holmes putting in the weekend there, but Hercule Poirot, as well. ~ Bertram Bertie Wooster

P. G. Wodehouse

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P. G. Wodehouse
Age: 93 †
Born: 1881
Born: January 1
Died: 1975
Died: January 1
Humorist
Librettist
Lyricist
Novelist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
Guildford
Surrey
UK
Pelham Grenville Wodehouse
Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse
P.G. Wodehouse
Feel
Master
Poirot
Feels
Putting
Sherlock
Mean
Masters
Holmes
Would
Coming
Unfortunate
Imagine
Criminal
Found
Weekend
Wells
Criminals
Hercule
Well
Murder
Bertie

More quotes by P. G. Wodehouse

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One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to remember, in one of his works, which for the time being has slipped my mind, which hits off admirably this age-old situation.
P. G. Wodehouse
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There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action.
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She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season
P. G. Wodehouse
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No novelists any good except me. Sovietski -- yah! Nastikoff -- bah! I spit me of zem all. No novelists anywhere any good except me. P. G. Wodehouse and Tolstoi not bad. Not good, but not bad. No novelists any good except me.
P. G. Wodehouse
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Now, I'm a mixer. I can't help it. It's my nature. I like men. I like the taste of their boots, the smell of their legs, and the sound of their voices. It may be weak of me, but a man has only to speak to me, and a sort of thrill goes down my spine and sets my tail wagging.
P. G. Wodehouse
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While not exactly disgruntled, he was far from feeling gruntled. He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice, and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
P. G. Wodehouse
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It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak and then decide not to say it after all.
P. G. Wodehouse
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And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
P. G. Wodehouse
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A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.
P. G. Wodehouse
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It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately loses his head and starts hamming it up.
P. G. Wodehouse
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It is the glorious uncertainty of golf that makes it the game it is.
P. G. Wodehouse
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He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to shove cyanide in the consommé, and the dinner-gong due any moment.
P. G. Wodehouse
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He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
P. G. Wodehouse
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When it comes to letting the world in on the secrets of his heart, he has about as much shrinking reticence as a steam calliope.
P. G. Wodehouse
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As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.
P. G. Wodehouse
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I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.
P. G. Wodehouse
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-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?' There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter
P. G. Wodehouse
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the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons
P. G. Wodehouse
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I expect I shall feel better after tea.
P. G. Wodehouse
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Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.
P. G. Wodehouse