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...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this: He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute.

P. G. Wodehouse

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P. G. Wodehouse
Age: 93 †
Born: 1881
Born: January 1
Died: 1975
Died: January 1
Humorist
Librettist
Lyricist
Novelist
Playwright
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
Guildford
Surrey
UK
Pelham Grenville Wodehouse
Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse
P.G. Wodehouse
Every
Intend
Men
Occurred
Motive
Minute
Inscribed
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Epitaph
Simple
Tombstone
Born
Acted
Best
Motives

More quotes by P. G. Wodehouse

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She's one of those soppy girls, riddled from head to foot with whimsy. She holds the view that the stars are God's daisy chain, that rabbits are gnomes in attendance on the Fairy Queen, and that every time a fairy blows its wee nose a baby is born, which, as we know, is not the case. She's a drooper.
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There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action.
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Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.
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One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to remember, in one of his works, which for the time being has slipped my mind, which hits off admirably this age-old situation.
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There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.
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From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular message for humanity. I am still plugging away and not the ghost of one so far, so it begins to look as though, unless I suddenly hit mid-season form in my eighties, humanity will remain a message short.
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I can detach myself from the world. If there is a better world to detach oneself from than the one functioning at the moment I have yet to hear of it.
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Now, I'm a mixer. I can't help it. It's my nature. I like men. I like the taste of their boots, the smell of their legs, and the sound of their voices. It may be weak of me, but a man has only to speak to me, and a sort of thrill goes down my spine and sets my tail wagging.
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Confidence, of course is an admirable asset to a golfer, but it should be an unspoken confidence. It is perilous to put it into speech. The gods of golf lie in wait to chasten the presumptious.
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I started violently, as if some unseen hand had goosed me.
P. G. Wodehouse
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I may as well tell you, here and now, that if you are going about the place thinking things pretty, you will never make a modern poet. Be poignant, man, be poignant!
P. G. Wodehouse
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Warm-hearted! I should think he has to wear asbestos vests!
P. G. Wodehouse
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I love writing. I never feel really comfortable unless I am either actually writing or have a story going. I could not stop writing.
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There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
P. G. Wodehouse
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She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season
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They were real golfers, for real golf is a thing of the spirit, not of mere mechanical excellence of stroke.
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In every romance you have to budget for the occasional dust-up.
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Well, you know, there are limits to the sacred claims of friendship.
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I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.
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The brains of members of the Press departments of motion-picture studios resemble soup at a cheap restaurant. It is wiser not to stir them.
P. G. Wodehouse