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The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.

Ogden Nash

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Ogden Nash
Age: 68 †
Born: 1902
Born: August 19
Died: 1971
Died: May 19
Poet
Screenwriter
Writer
New York
United States
Frederic Ogden Nash
Lawyer
Ushered
Alive
Certified
Lord
Humblest
Find
Noblest
Physician
Practicing
Lout
Lawyers
Morticians
Physicians
Foyers

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Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!
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Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it.
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One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.
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Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.
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Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.
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Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup I So, presently, must I.
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The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie!
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To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits.
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I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.
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No, you never get any fun Out of the things you haven't done.
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Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.
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Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.
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In the world of mules there are no rules.
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When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food.
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The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
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Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
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When there are monsters there are miracles.
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I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.
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A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard.
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The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
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