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The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.

Ogden Nash

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Ogden Nash
Age: 68 †
Born: 1902
Born: August 19
Died: 1971
Died: May 19
Poet
Screenwriter
Writer
New York
United States
Frederic Ogden Nash
Alive
Certified
Lord
Humblest
Find
Noblest
Physician
Practicing
Lout
Lawyers
Morticians
Physicians
Foyers
Lawyer
Ushered

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A bit of talcum Is always walcum.
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Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?
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When there are monsters there are miracles.
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Some hate broccoli, some hate bacon I hate having my picture taken. How can your family claim to love you And then demand a picture of you?
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Neath tile or thatch That man is rich Who has a scratch For every itch.
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The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.
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The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
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The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.
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The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
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The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions
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There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'
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He without benefit of scruples - His fun and money soon quadruples.
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There was a young man of Herne Bay who was making some fireworks one day: but he dropped his cigar in the gunpowder jar. There was a young man of Herne Bay.
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Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer
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A lady is known by the product she endorses.
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People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
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We love the kindly wind and hail, The jolly thunderbolt, We watch in glee the fairy trail Of ampere, watt, and volt.
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Senescence begins And middle-age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends
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Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.
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