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The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.

Ogden Nash

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Ogden Nash
Age: 68 †
Born: 1902
Born: August 19
Died: 1971
Died: May 19
Poet
Screenwriter
Writer
New York
United States
Frederic Ogden Nash
Alive
Certified
Lord
Humblest
Find
Noblest
Physician
Practicing
Lout
Lawyers
Morticians
Physicians
Foyers
Lawyer
Ushered

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Don't over-analyze your marriage it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.
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There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees.
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The oboe's a horn made of wood. I'd play you a tune if I could, But the reeds are a pain, And the fingering's insane. It's the ill wind that no one blows good.
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Passivity can be a provoking modus operandi Consider the Empire and Gandhi.
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Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like I'm in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was.
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Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with. And with whom they breakfast with and sup with. They interfere with the discipline of nurseries, And forget anniversaries, And when they have been particularly remiss, They think they can cure everything with a great big kiss.
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Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it.
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I was born a jackdaw why should I try to be an owl?
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Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.
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Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind.
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Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup I So, presently, must I.
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Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?
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Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.
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The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions
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The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.
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The camel has a single hump, The dromedary, two Or else the other way around I'm never sure. Are you?
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Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.
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Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.
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But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them, With the result that whenever you mention Old Testament soldiers to people they say Oh yes, they're the ones that a lot of wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them.
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