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The doctor gets you when you're born, The preacher, when you marry, And the lawyer lurks with costly clerks If too much on you carry. Professional men, they have no cares Whatever happens, they get theirs.

Ogden Nash

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Ogden Nash
Age: 68 †
Born: 1902
Born: August 19
Died: 1971
Died: May 19
Poet
Screenwriter
Writer
New York
United States
Frederic Ogden Nash
Carry
Costly
Gets
Preacher
Whatever
Cares
Born
Marry
Happens
Doctor
Care
Professional
Much
Lawyer
Lurks
Men
Doctors
Clerks

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The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.
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The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.
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Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with. And with whom they breakfast with and sup with. They interfere with the discipline of nurseries, And forget anniversaries, And when they have been particularly remiss, They think they can cure everything with a great big kiss.
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Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.
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The oboe's a horn made of wood. I'd play you a tune if I could, But the reeds are a pain, And the fingering's insane. It's the ill wind that no one blows good.
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I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.
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I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.
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I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.
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The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.
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Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
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One thing that literature would be greatly the better for Would be a more restricted employment by authors of simile and>metaphor.
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I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
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The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions
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Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
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Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.
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They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
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A lady is known by the product she endorses.
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Why did the Lord give use so much quickness unless it was to avoid responsibility?
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Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!
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Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer
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