Quote

There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'

Ogden Nash

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Ogden Nash
Age: 68 †
Born: 1902
Born: August 19
Died: 1971
Died: May 19
Poet
Screenwriter
Writer
New York
United States
Frederic Ogden Nash
Eye
Surprise
Umpire
Heart
Whose
Derision
Cause
Remarked
Vision
Dictates
Sports
Umpires
Decision
Abuse
Causes
Pick
Eyes
Picks

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Smallpox is natural vaccine ain't.
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Some debts are fun while you are acquiring them, But none are fun when you set about retiring them.
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Snow is all right while it is snowing it is like inebriation because it is very pleasing when it is coming, but very unpleasing when it is going.
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I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don't try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don't ever look over your shoulder.
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Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
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I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew.
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I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.
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The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.
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One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.
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Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!
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A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard.
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I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.
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Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.
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He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more
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The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig.
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Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with. And with whom they breakfast with and sup with. They interfere with the discipline of nurseries, And forget anniversaries, And when they have been particularly remiss, They think they can cure everything with a great big kiss.
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A bird in the open never looks Like its picture in the birdie books - Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage.
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There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin.
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The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie!
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He without benefit of scruples - His fun and money soon quadruples.
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