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Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Ogden Nash

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Ogden Nash
Age: 68 †
Born: 1902
Born: August 19
Died: 1971
Died: May 19
Poet
Screenwriter
Writer
New York
United States
Frederic Ogden Nash
Sitting
Friday
Middle
Saturday
Age
Weekend
Funny
Birthday
Hope
Sunday
Night
Witty
Reality
Rings
Telephone
Home
Humorous
Telephones

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Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can't get your fingers on him.
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The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take, If the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake.
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The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath.
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Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.
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The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig.
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Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.
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One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it/Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.
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Some debts are fun while you are acquiring them, But none are fun when you set about retiring them.
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Snow is all right while it is snowing it is like inebriation because it is very pleasing when it is coming, but very unpleasing when it is going.
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The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.
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Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer
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If some confectioners were willing To let the shape announce the filling, We'd encounter fewer assorted chocs, Bitten into and returned to the box.
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Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!
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Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, with the sparkle of beer and wine May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends, than the foam at the top of the stein. Then here's to the heartening wassail, wherever good fellows are found Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
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When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.
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A bit of talcum Is always walcum.
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Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.
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A bird in the open never looks Like its picture in the birdie books - Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage.
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It is my duty, gentlemen, to inform you that women are dictators all, and I recommend to you this moral: In real life it takes only one to make a quarrel.
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A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
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