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[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Saws
Laughing
Stand
Televised
Makes
Richard
Film
Shot
Ever
Liked
Really
Shots
Never
Laugh

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I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.
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Pulp Fiction is a, uh, gritty, urban satire. Pump Friction is a uh-uh, a bunch of uh, dudes and ladies having dirty sex.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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I don't do much. I'm too lazy. That's my problem. Hang around my couch, watching the TV. Just too lazy. I realized this the other day, I get hit my a truck tomorrow - a big truck could hit me - paralyze me from the neck down. Wouldn't effect my lifestyle a bit really.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.
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Happiness is less regulated by external circumstances than inward enjoyment. Whoever is happy in the satisfaction of himself feels imperturbable felicity but he, who trusts entirely to the world for the disposition of his peace, must inevitably participate [in] many privations and disappointments.
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A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.
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If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
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There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up. And then I'm like, There's more work in the States.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
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