Quote

I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Valuable
Protect
Anything
Thing
Something
Valuables
Would
Bull
Pits
Bulls

More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.
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There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up. And then I'm like, There's more work in the States.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
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This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.
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I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.
Norm MacDonald
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Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.
Norm MacDonald
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
Norm MacDonald
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A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
Norm MacDonald
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The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.
Norm MacDonald
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
Norm MacDonald