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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Bulls
Valuable
Protect
Anything
Thing
Something
Valuables
Would
Bull
Pits

More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
Norm MacDonald
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I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.
Norm MacDonald
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
Norm MacDonald
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I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.
Norm MacDonald
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I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
Norm MacDonald
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Ever see this? It's a homeless guy but he's got a dog... The dog's really thrilled with this idea. The dog's going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
Norm MacDonald
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My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!
Norm MacDonald
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I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.
Norm MacDonald
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
Norm MacDonald
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In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
Norm MacDonald
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They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.
Norm MacDonald
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Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.
Norm MacDonald
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I've always been very averse to innuendo, especially sexual. I find it cowardly or something.
Norm MacDonald
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
Norm MacDonald
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We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
Norm MacDonald
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When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.
Norm MacDonald
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I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.
Norm MacDonald
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[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.
Norm MacDonald
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
Norm MacDonald
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Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.
Norm MacDonald