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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.
Norm MacDonald
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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Thing
Something
Valuables
Would
Bull
Pits
Bulls
Valuable
Protect
Anything
More quotes by Norm MacDonald
The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
Norm MacDonald
Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.
Norm MacDonald
I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.
Norm MacDonald
I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.
Norm MacDonald
In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.
Norm MacDonald
I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.
Norm MacDonald
He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
Norm MacDonald
They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.
Norm MacDonald
Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.
Norm MacDonald
It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
Norm MacDonald
All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
Norm MacDonald
On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.
Norm MacDonald
It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
Norm MacDonald
There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up. And then I'm like, There's more work in the States.
Norm MacDonald
Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
Norm MacDonald
I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
Norm MacDonald
You can't love your team without hating another team.
Norm MacDonald
I don't do much. I'm too lazy. That's my problem. Hang around my couch, watching the TV. Just too lazy. I realized this the other day, I get hit my a truck tomorrow - a big truck could hit me - paralyze me from the neck down. Wouldn't effect my lifestyle a bit really.
Norm MacDonald
They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?
Norm MacDonald
I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.
Norm MacDonald
