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They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Alcoholic
Alcoholics
Apparently
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More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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I don't have any ambition.
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
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I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?
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They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.
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Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
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Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.
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[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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The only two TV shows I saw do that, where they don't warm them up and you can really bomb, was Saturday Night Live - and that's why it gets a lot of heat, too. Obviously it gets criticism fairly, too. But a lot of it is because Lorne [Michaels] lets the audience decide and doesn't force them to laugh.
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When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.
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I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.
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The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
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I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.
Norm MacDonald
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Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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