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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Discovered
Scientist
Europa
Moon
Stallone
Form
Guessed
May
Jupiter
Believe
Primitive
Life
Frank
Scientists

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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?
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I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
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A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
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Happiness is less regulated by external circumstances than inward enjoyment. Whoever is happy in the satisfaction of himself feels imperturbable felicity but he, who trusts entirely to the world for the disposition of his peace, must inevitably participate [in] many privations and disappointments.
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When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.
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RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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