Quote

Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Nothing
Christmas
Even
Gift
Thinking
Gave
Worst
Guy
Ticket
Lasts
Lottery
Last
Merry
Ever
Tickets

More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].
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Happiness is less regulated by external circumstances than inward enjoyment. Whoever is happy in the satisfaction of himself feels imperturbable felicity but he, who trusts entirely to the world for the disposition of his peace, must inevitably participate [in] many privations and disappointments.
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Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.
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My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.
Norm MacDonald
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Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.
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Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.
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This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.
Norm MacDonald
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
Norm MacDonald
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I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.
Norm MacDonald
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Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.
Norm MacDonald
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
Norm MacDonald
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You're used to a TV show, and TV is just made for TV shows. It's not made for live events.So anyways, I was resistant to it, but I did it anyway.
Norm MacDonald
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Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!
Norm MacDonald
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
Norm MacDonald
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Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
Norm MacDonald