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Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!
Norm MacDonald
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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Ever
Tickets
Nothing
Christmas
Even
Gift
Thinking
Gave
Worst
Guy
Ticket
Lasts
Lottery
Last
Merry
More quotes by Norm MacDonald
During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
Norm MacDonald
A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
Norm MacDonald
I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
Norm MacDonald
It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.
Norm MacDonald
None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.
Norm MacDonald
I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.
Norm MacDonald
Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
Norm MacDonald
[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].
Norm MacDonald
On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.
Norm MacDonald
I don't have any ambition.
Norm MacDonald
Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
Norm MacDonald
They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.
Norm MacDonald
When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.
Norm MacDonald
Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
Norm MacDonald
I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.
Norm MacDonald
I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.
Norm MacDonald
When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
Norm MacDonald
Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.
Norm MacDonald
Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.
Norm MacDonald
After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.
Norm MacDonald
