Quote

Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Lasts
Lottery
Last
Merry
Ever
Tickets
Nothing
Christmas
Even
Gift
Thinking
Gave
Worst
Guy
Ticket

More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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The only two TV shows I saw do that, where they don't warm them up and you can really bomb, was Saturday Night Live - and that's why it gets a lot of heat, too. Obviously it gets criticism fairly, too. But a lot of it is because Lorne [Michaels] lets the audience decide and doesn't force them to laugh.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.
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None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.
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I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.
Norm MacDonald
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
Norm MacDonald
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When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
Norm MacDonald
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Happiness is less regulated by external circumstances than inward enjoyment. Whoever is happy in the satisfaction of himself feels imperturbable felicity but he, who trusts entirely to the world for the disposition of his peace, must inevitably participate [in] many privations and disappointments.
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[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.
Norm MacDonald
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We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
Norm MacDonald
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
Norm MacDonald
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I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.
Norm MacDonald
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
Norm MacDonald