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Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!
Norm MacDonald
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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Worst
Guy
Ticket
Lasts
Lottery
Last
Merry
Ever
Tickets
Nothing
Christmas
Even
Gift
Thinking
Gave
More quotes by Norm MacDonald
I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you're all right. I don't have to go to premières.
Norm MacDonald
Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
Norm MacDonald
Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.
Norm MacDonald
You're used to a TV show, and TV is just made for TV shows. It's not made for live events.So anyways, I was resistant to it, but I did it anyway.
Norm MacDonald
I don't do much. I'm too lazy. That's my problem. Hang around my couch, watching the TV. Just too lazy. I realized this the other day, I get hit my a truck tomorrow - a big truck could hit me - paralyze me from the neck down. Wouldn't effect my lifestyle a bit really.
Norm MacDonald
You can't love your team without hating another team.
Norm MacDonald
It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
Norm MacDonald
Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.
Norm MacDonald
In terms of merit, sports has mathematical statistics. That's how you know who the best player is.
Norm MacDonald
Few people love with the violence they hate.
Norm MacDonald
I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
Norm MacDonald
RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
Norm MacDonald
They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.
Norm MacDonald
Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
Norm MacDonald
Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
Norm MacDonald
I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.
Norm MacDonald
If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.
Norm MacDonald
The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
Norm MacDonald
The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
Norm MacDonald
A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
Norm MacDonald
