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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Generally
Communicating
Communicate
Readiness
Understood
Commonly
Fool
Distinguish
Hear
Secrecy
Practice
Report
Whatever
Fools
Two
Reports
Indiscretions

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Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.
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Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!
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[sam] Kinison, when he started out, he'd come to Canada when I was first starting, and he'd always [bomb].
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You can't love your team without hating another team.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
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All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.
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Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.
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When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.
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I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.
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I've been offered political shows before, and I don't know anything about politics and I feel uncomfortable making political opinions - there's consequences to them. I often think I'm wrong, so I really don't like getting in political or religious discussions because of the giant possibility that I might be wrong.
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I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing. If I could make the setup and the punchline identical to each other, I would create a different kind of joke.
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The only two TV shows I saw do that, where they don't warm them up and you can really bomb, was Saturday Night Live - and that's why it gets a lot of heat, too. Obviously it gets criticism fairly, too. But a lot of it is because Lorne [Michaels] lets the audience decide and doesn't force them to laugh.
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