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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Fool
Distinguish
Hear
Secrecy
Report
Practice
Fools
Whatever
Reports
Indiscretions
Two
Generally
Communicating
Communicate
Readiness
Understood
Commonly

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I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I'd have to buy something to protect it then.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.
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Happiness is less regulated by external circumstances than inward enjoyment. Whoever is happy in the satisfaction of himself feels imperturbable felicity but he, who trusts entirely to the world for the disposition of his peace, must inevitably participate [in] many privations and disappointments.
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You can't love your team without hating another team.
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Pulp Fiction is a, uh, gritty, urban satire. Pump Friction is a uh-uh, a bunch of uh, dudes and ladies having dirty sex.
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RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
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Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
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It is the folly of weak-minded people, to imagine they are what flattery or conceit represents them and that it is useless for them to be what they are not, since they seem already to have acquired the reputation of it.
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The Rolling Stones reunited for a twenty-fifth anniversary tour last week. Keith Richards said that he's happy to continue to do what he's been doing for the past twenty-five years: cheating death.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.
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I don't have any ambition.
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A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
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