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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Tolerant
Tolerance
Necessary
Order
Tolerated

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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.
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I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!
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After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.
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When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.
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None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.
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Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.
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Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.
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The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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You're used to a TV show, and TV is just made for TV shows. It's not made for live events.So anyways, I was resistant to it, but I did it anyway.
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I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
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