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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Deception
People
Gain
Gains
Afraid
Misers
Trust
Avarice
Much
Destroys
Deceived
Never
Venture
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More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Some men mistake generosity for charity: these flatter themselves that they are giving gratuitously, whilst they are merely rewarding secret services offered their vanity.
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We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
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I've always been very averse to innuendo, especially sexual. I find it cowardly or something.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
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Proper respect to others is the most prudent rule of directing the measure of reverence due to ourselves.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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[Televised stand-up] never really makes me laugh. The only one I ever saw that I liked was Richard Pryor, and that was [shot on] film.
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In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
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All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.
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This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
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Pulp Fiction is a, uh, gritty, urban satire. Pump Friction is a uh-uh, a bunch of uh, dudes and ladies having dirty sex.
Norm MacDonald
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.
Norm MacDonald
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Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.
Norm MacDonald
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Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.
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There's that saying, I don't know art, but I know what I like. The inverse is kind of true. I know art, but I don't know what I like. You get so immersed in it that nothing appeals to you.
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