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Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Crimes
Sensible
Criminals
Crime
Dies

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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
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I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing. If I could make the setup and the punchline identical to each other, I would create a different kind of joke.
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In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
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All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.
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I hate fame. I hate being recognized, because I don't know how to talk to people.
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I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.
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Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.
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Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.
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After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.
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On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?
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Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!
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There's that saying, I don't know art, but I know what I like. The inverse is kind of true. I know art, but I don't know what I like. You get so immersed in it that nothing appeals to you.
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You can't love your team without hating another team.
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None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.
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You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
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