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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Beer
Notes
Gets
Matter
Self
Always
Life
Note

More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing. If I could make the setup and the punchline identical to each other, I would create a different kind of joke.
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I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.
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Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
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They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.
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Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends the old, on the confidence of them.
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I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
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A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
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I've been offered political shows before, and I don't know anything about politics and I feel uncomfortable making political opinions - there's consequences to them. I often think I'm wrong, so I really don't like getting in political or religious discussions because of the giant possibility that I might be wrong.
Norm MacDonald
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I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.
Norm MacDonald
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The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
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There's no show business in Canada, so everybody just did stand-up and we all thought, Oh, we'll just keep doing stand-up. And then I'm like, There's more work in the States.
Norm MacDonald
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I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
Norm MacDonald