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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Life
Note
Beer
Notes
Gets
Matter
Self
Always

More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.
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My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
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The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
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It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.
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Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I've seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he's lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?
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Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.
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Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.
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RIP Amy Winehouse. We lost a true heroin addict today.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.
Norm MacDonald