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When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man. Until Tiger showed up, they weren't in very good shape.
Norm MacDonald
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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Shapes
Everybody
Tiger
Kids
Tigers
Good
Showed
Men
Weren
Shape
Golf
Played
More quotes by Norm MacDonald
As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
Norm MacDonald
Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!
Norm MacDonald
Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.
Norm MacDonald
Women of no beauty may yet be flattered to believe they possess some others of a moderate share that they have a great deal but those of elegance and charm generally know the perfection of their external graces so well, that they seem to covet that flattery most which heightens the opinion of their wit and judgment.
Norm MacDonald
This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.
Norm MacDonald
You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?
Norm MacDonald
On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.
Norm MacDonald
With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
Norm MacDonald
A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
Norm MacDonald
I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.
Norm MacDonald
In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.
Norm MacDonald
We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
Norm MacDonald
The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends the old, on the confidence of them.
Norm MacDonald
They that are virtuous from principle may receive confidence in every capacity but they that are so from custom or habit, are capable of trust only in matters of ordinary and settled occurrence.
Norm MacDonald
The only two TV shows I saw do that, where they don't warm them up and you can really bomb, was Saturday Night Live - and that's why it gets a lot of heat, too. Obviously it gets criticism fairly, too. But a lot of it is because Lorne [Michaels] lets the audience decide and doesn't force them to laugh.
Norm MacDonald
I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are in it to make money, and coming from stand-up, you have to work so hard because almost nothing works, and if you lose the audience for three minutes, you're dead.
Norm MacDonald
You're used to a TV show, and TV is just made for TV shows. It's not made for live events.So anyways, I was resistant to it, but I did it anyway.
Norm MacDonald
Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.
Norm MacDonald
Some men mistake generosity for charity: these flatter themselves that they are giving gratuitously, whilst they are merely rewarding secret services offered their vanity.
Norm MacDonald
Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with your life.
Norm MacDonald
