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I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Would
Love
Think
Thinking
People
Loser
Stay
Forever
Place

More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know? And the more grave or important things are... You know, some comedians can get this disease where they get serious all the time.
Norm MacDonald
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A proper disposition of time leaves a man at leisure in the very bustle of affairs without delaying the attention of his concerns to the last or giving them unnecessary application at first: it affords a season for everything by affording everything its proper season.
Norm MacDonald
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I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.
Norm MacDonald
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I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh! You wouldn't know me now if you'd seen me when I was one, you know? I even looked good for my age. People would come up to me and go, what are you, zero? And I'd go, no, I'm one over here!
Norm MacDonald
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Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.
Norm MacDonald
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All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.
Norm MacDonald
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On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.
Norm MacDonald
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I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
Norm MacDonald
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The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.
Norm MacDonald
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This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.
Norm MacDonald
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I had a show that people thought used a laugh track. It wasn't it was the real audience going crazy after everything that resembled a joke, that they could technically call a joke.
Norm MacDonald
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Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.
Norm MacDonald
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If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.
Norm MacDonald
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.
Norm MacDonald
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.
Norm MacDonald
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There is a very prevalent tenet with youth, that good company is every thing desirable, and that bad is even better than none.
Norm MacDonald
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They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.
Norm MacDonald
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
Norm MacDonald
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You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.
Norm MacDonald
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I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.
Norm MacDonald