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I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Zero
Politics
Anything
Nothing
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More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.
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Were there no fools, there would be no flatterers.
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It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
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I started on 'Saturday Night Live' the same time Conan started on 'Late Night.' We just had a relationship because I would be upstairs in the studio and whenever he couldn't get a guest - which was often back then since he was just starting out - he would just call me down to be a guest.
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Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!
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We would seldom be deceived by flattery, did our own conceit not promote the delusion.
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Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!
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I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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Few criminals die sensible of their crimes.
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After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that he is really, really, really, really gay.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!
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Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
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None seem to bear the imputation of supposed guilt with greater intolerance than such as are, on other occasions, obviously culpable of vice or crime.
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There's that saying, I don't know art, but I know what I like. The inverse is kind of true. I know art, but I don't know what I like. You get so immersed in it that nothing appeals to you.
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I sort of have open invitations from a lot of people to do TV. But it's very hard for me to do roles in sitcoms and movies because I'm not a great actor, so if the material isn't good, I'm in torment while I do it.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it.
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