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I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Like
Zero
Politics
Anything
Nothing

More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.
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I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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I've just seen really, really funny guys, and if I didn't know them, I wouldn't know they were funny from the television. I don't know what it does, it just sucks it away.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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They're like ''You're an alcoholic.'' I go ''No, I'm not.'' and then-apparently that's what alcoholics say too, you know?
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Most men appear wiser in their doubts than in their belief.
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The only two TV shows I saw do that, where they don't warm them up and you can really bomb, was Saturday Night Live - and that's why it gets a lot of heat, too. Obviously it gets criticism fairly, too. But a lot of it is because Lorne [Michaels] lets the audience decide and doesn't force them to laugh.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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Man, them engagement rings, boy, they cost a lot. I was looking at 'em. Cost like a thousand bucks, two thousand bucks, y'know. Three thousand bucks. Something like that- four thousand bucks. Big number divisible by a thousand, anyways.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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Your worst and most dangerous enemy is the person that injures you under the pretensions of friendship.
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On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.
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It got very tedious saying the same jokes in the same way with the same attitude.
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The promises we break are usually such as we are most forward in making.
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Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
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Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
Norm MacDonald