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I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.

Norm MacDonald

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Norm MacDonald
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Quebec
Zero
Politics
Anything
Nothing
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More quotes by Norm MacDonald

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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
Norm MacDonald
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This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.
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I don't do much. I'm too lazy. That's my problem. Hang around my couch, watching the TV. Just too lazy. I realized this the other day, I get hit my a truck tomorrow - a big truck could hit me - paralyze me from the neck down. Wouldn't effect my lifestyle a bit really.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin' life again? Man, that's rough, eh?
Norm MacDonald
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Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish!
Norm MacDonald
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
Norm MacDonald
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I've shown people Richard Pryor who've never seen him, and most of them don't like him.
Norm MacDonald
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
Norm MacDonald
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Happiness is less regulated by external circumstances than inward enjoyment. Whoever is happy in the satisfaction of himself feels imperturbable felicity but he, who trusts entirely to the world for the disposition of his peace, must inevitably participate [in] many privations and disappointments.
Norm MacDonald
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
Norm MacDonald
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I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing. If I could make the setup and the punchline identical to each other, I would create a different kind of joke.
Norm MacDonald
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I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.
Norm MacDonald
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
Norm MacDonald
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My dad had this thing - everyone in Canada wants to play hockey that's all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters!
Norm MacDonald
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Laws, however divine in origin and institution, would be found of little coercion among men, were the administration of them not committed to mortals.
Norm MacDonald
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
Norm MacDonald
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The vanity of being asked advice often makes us confirm the opinion of those that consult us.
Norm MacDonald
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On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.
Norm MacDonald
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
Norm MacDonald
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends the old, on the confidence of them.
Norm MacDonald