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If you're going to be a good standup, or a successful standup, or a standup who can work for money, you have to eliminate the possibility of dying quickly.

Noel Fielding

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Noel Fielding
Age: 51
Actor
Comedian
Painter
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
City of Westminster
Good
Eliminate
Quickly
Possibility
Dying
Successful
Money
Going
Work

More quotes by Noel Fielding

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The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.
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We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys
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Some people have a fear of being on stage. I have a fear of coming off it.
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Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.
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I could get an audience into my world and if you can do that, they'll go with you not all the way, but a lot of the way.
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Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.
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When you start, it's not to do with the material so much. It's more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor.
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I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.
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Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.
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I visited a friend in Leicester recently. It was 4am and we all ran around in a circle, six of us. It’s the most fun I’ve had since i was seven. And I thought: it’s not about drink, or drugs, or fancy clubs. It’s about running around in your socks, changing direction in a front room in Leicester.
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I'd have to do unannounced gigs because your fans will laugh at everything because they know what you do already. What you really want is a neutral audience that isn't too harsh - a good comedy crowd - but that don't know necessarily what you're doing.
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Englishmen do like to get in a dress, any excuse.
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My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp.
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Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.
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I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.
Noel Fielding
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My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.
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Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.
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They call me the confuser. Is he a man... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind.
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There's something amazing about tea. It's good before a meal, after a meal, when drunk, when taking drugs, while playing football and after being called a poof in the street.
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I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.
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