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If you're going to be a good standup, or a successful standup, or a standup who can work for money, you have to eliminate the possibility of dying quickly.

Noel Fielding

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Noel Fielding
Age: 51
Actor
Comedian
Painter
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
City of Westminster
Quickly
Possibility
Dying
Successful
Money
Going
Work
Good
Eliminate

More quotes by Noel Fielding

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You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder.
Noel Fielding
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Englishmen do like to get in a dress, any excuse.
Noel Fielding
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Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.
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I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, Yeah, whatever. And it was him, but I even went to him, That's not even a good Irish accent!
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My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.
Noel Fielding
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I could get an audience into my world and if you can do that, they'll go with you not all the way, but a lot of the way.
Noel Fielding
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I've got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved.
Noel Fielding
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I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.
Noel Fielding
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We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys
Noel Fielding
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Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for.
Noel Fielding
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There's something amazing about tea. It's good before a meal, after a meal, when drunk, when taking drugs, while playing football and after being called a poof in the street.
Noel Fielding
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I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I'm comfortable with. It's strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman's wig backwards.
Noel Fielding
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Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.
Noel Fielding
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I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.
Noel Fielding
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Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.
Noel Fielding
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All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.
Noel Fielding
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I'd have to do unannounced gigs because your fans will laugh at everything because they know what you do already. What you really want is a neutral audience that isn't too harsh - a good comedy crowd - but that don't know necessarily what you're doing.
Noel Fielding
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The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.
Noel Fielding
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Some people have a fear of being on stage. I have a fear of coming off it.
Noel Fielding
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When you start, it's not to do with the material so much. It's more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor.
Noel Fielding