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I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.

Noel Fielding

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Noel Fielding
Age: 51
Actor
Comedian
Painter
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Writer
City of Westminster
Repercussions
Punch
Lady
Humor
Funny
Really
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More quotes by Noel Fielding

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When you start, it's not to do with the material so much. It's more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor.
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I always wanted to travel around and see lots of America, I'd never been to Boston, I'd never been to San Francisco even, so I'm quite excited to just go the places.
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I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.
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Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.
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I could get an audience into my world and if you can do that, they'll go with you not all the way, but a lot of the way.
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Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.
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I visited a friend in Leicester recently. It was 4am and we all ran around in a circle, six of us. It’s the most fun I’ve had since i was seven. And I thought: it’s not about drink, or drugs, or fancy clubs. It’s about running around in your socks, changing direction in a front room in Leicester.
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Science teachers and the mentally ill, that's all Jazz is for.
Noel Fielding
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I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.
Noel Fielding
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I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, Yeah, whatever. And it was him, but I even went to him, That's not even a good Irish accent!
Noel Fielding
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I'd have to do unannounced gigs because your fans will laugh at everything because they know what you do already. What you really want is a neutral audience that isn't too harsh - a good comedy crowd - but that don't know necessarily what you're doing.
Noel Fielding
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There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.
Noel Fielding
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Englishmen do like to get in a dress, any excuse.
Noel Fielding
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Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.
Noel Fielding
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Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.
Noel Fielding
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I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay.
Noel Fielding
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I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.
Noel Fielding
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If you're going to be a good standup, or a successful standup, or a standup who can work for money, you have to eliminate the possibility of dying quickly.
Noel Fielding
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We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys
Noel Fielding
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I've got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved.
Noel Fielding